Friday, June 25, 2010

Hey(: I know it's been a real roller coaster ride for us. We're both intense in some ways and in other ways, just plain retarded. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of you since it all happened. As much as I tried to deny it, most of my unforgettable memories and good times in St.Marg's was spent with you. You were the only one in many years that I actually felt a connection with. I really felt I had a bestfriend in you. She didn't even come close to measuring up, but you did. I don't know if you believe me, but those times that we did simple things such as walking to the bustop from starbucks at night in the middle of the road or even just talking about things, they really had an impact on me. For once I felt there was someone I could open up more to.
Then things happened. I don't know specifically, but I think it all happened when she and I patched things up. I'm sorry if you felt insecure in any way or hurt if I'd neglected you, it felt as if you weren't happy that she and I were friends again.
Then Pattawan came back, and you started telling me all the plans and stuff you and her were going to do together like go to the same JC and stuff, - things you'd say you'd do with me, and I was hurt. Then I heard about what you told her (the first "her") behind my back when she and I weren't talking, and I felt as if I was stabbed in the back. So I pulled the wall back up between us and shut you out. I was so mad, I couldn't believe you'd do that to me.
But now, it's all over. Thanks for doing what you did. That was brave and kind of you. In many ways, I look up to you. I'm sorry for all the times I've been cold to you. I'm sorry for the times I've listen to others instead of hearing your side of the story. I'm sorry for dumping you for other friends like Dorcas and Joyce. I'm sorry for hurting you the way I did, I had no right. I'm sorry for the times I didn't tell you how much I appreciated you. I'm sorry for the times I didn't tell you you made a difference in my life. I'm sorry it turned out like this.
And yes, I hope we can still be friends and put all the shit behind us...

jackie blogged at 5:29 AM