Friday, June 25, 2010

Hey(: I know it's been a real roller coaster ride for us. We're both intense in some ways and in other ways, just plain retarded. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of you since it all happened. As much as I tried to deny it, most of my unforgettable memories and good times in St.Marg's was spent with you. You were the only one in many years that I actually felt a connection with. I really felt I had a bestfriend in you. She didn't even come close to measuring up, but you did. I don't know if you believe me, but those times that we did simple things such as walking to the bustop from starbucks at night in the middle of the road or even just talking about things, they really had an impact on me. For once I felt there was someone I could open up more to.
Then things happened. I don't know specifically, but I think it all happened when she and I patched things up. I'm sorry if you felt insecure in any way or hurt if I'd neglected you, it felt as if you weren't happy that she and I were friends again.
Then Pattawan came back, and you started telling me all the plans and stuff you and her were going to do together like go to the same JC and stuff, - things you'd say you'd do with me, and I was hurt. Then I heard about what you told her (the first "her") behind my back when she and I weren't talking, and I felt as if I was stabbed in the back. So I pulled the wall back up between us and shut you out. I was so mad, I couldn't believe you'd do that to me.
But now, it's all over. Thanks for doing what you did. That was brave and kind of you. In many ways, I look up to you. I'm sorry for all the times I've been cold to you. I'm sorry for the times I've listen to others instead of hearing your side of the story. I'm sorry for dumping you for other friends like Dorcas and Joyce. I'm sorry for hurting you the way I did, I had no right. I'm sorry for the times I didn't tell you how much I appreciated you. I'm sorry for the times I didn't tell you you made a difference in my life. I'm sorry it turned out like this.
And yes, I hope we can still be friends and put all the shit behind us...

jackie blogged at 5:29 AM

Thursday, June 24, 2010

I want a proper best friend. Someone that knows me inside out and who I can confide in. Someone who will be there for me and who I will be there for. Someone who's not fake but genuine and not superficial. Someone who will scold me when I'm wrong and will laugh and cry with me when I'm happy or sad. Someone who will make time and effort for me. I don't think that's much to ask right? I mean, all these things are what friends do. So why is it so hard? Why is life so hard? Why do I have to keep accomodating others and their feelings? Hardly anyone who calls themselves my best friend ever does that for me. Just because I'm at home all day doesn't mean I don't have a life. Maybe it means I enjoy being at home and with my family? And I'm not home all day at all, I do hang out with friends - at least those who care enough. So those who don't care can just get out of my life and stop being so melodramatic.

jackie blogged at 7:23 AM

Sunday, June 20, 2010

I think it's me. Really. Or is it just you? Omgsh I don't know. Like, what's with all the sly bitching and snide remarks on facebook? It's fine if you're so bored with life that you have to read my wall for your miserable entertainment but do you really have to comment and add all your lame remarks and "jokes"? I don't give a damn about your two-cents worth...Do you not have anything to do with life? After a while, it's just not funny anymore. I can't believe that after everything, you're still the same. People never change, do they? You're still so self-obsessed and sadistic after everything the 4 of us went through. I think they only reason you're doing this to me is because I'm the only one who doesn't give a shit about you and your woes but yet I'm also the only one you can depend on when you need help. So that's why you're so two-faced and hypocritical. What, just because you keep emphasising to everyone about your family and parents in particular, you think people will sympathise with you? It gets really old... Now I'm not even sure if what you claim is even true! And I'm not pining for your worthless attention. All you care is yourself. When I want to hang out, you make up crappy excuses and go off with your other best friend to study at starbucks. I don't even consider you a good friend. You're not even NEAR "friend". You probably don't even know the meaning of the word. You're just funny. That's all. And when you don't have anyone to go with you look for me? Dream on. I'm not going to be at your beck and call. Looking back at it now, I really regret being your friend again. You're not worth it. Just carry on doing what you're doing and you'll soon realise that at the end of it all, you'll have no one at your side, because whether you like it or not, people can actually see behind those eyelashes, cute poses and smiles. You're plain plastic and like my brother says, you're just an attention-seeker. There's nothing real in you... Maybe there is, but I'm not going to wait around for it because I don't think the real you is going to materialise anytime soon.

jackie blogged at 11:22 PM