Friday, August 21, 2009
i'm tired. like seriously, mentally exhausted...
it's just like a never-ending race. i know the end is near, but i just can't see it.
it gets harder with every step.
i forget. i just can't seem to remember. maybe forgetting is good.
i'll just forget eveything.
i don't understand.
everyday is a new day with you.
i feel like i have to be sensitive of your moods and feelings.
it's like i'm stepping on eggshells around you.
i feel like you expect me to centre my life around you.
things like shifting a table makes me think of all the 'politics',
wondering how you'd react or think.
i feel like you expect everyone else to make the first move.
maybe it's to give you a sense of security to know that you're wanted.
and you wonder why she hasn't called you in weeks.
she's probably tired of always making the first move and waiting for you
to take the initiative... just think about it.
you don't like it when i hang out with other people.
my life doesn't revolve around you.
and yet you can hang out with her. and you obviously know i don't like her.
and you say nothing's going on.
so i'm supposed to come running back and wrap myself around
whatever you want?
you say you don't feel as if you can trust other people or there isn't anyone who understands you.
but don't you stop to think that maybe it's just that you don't open up?
maybe you're just building an invisible wall that you expect people to break through.
and when they don't, you're peeved because you feel no one is capable of understanding what you're going through.
put on a fake smile, a fake act. when're you going to let people in?
it's just sad you think too much.
it's sad that you wallow in self-pity and feel miserable, -and that's all you do.
and yet, when she worries for you, you get pissed at her for interfering.
you don't know what you want...
jackie blogged at 9:47 PM
