Friday, August 28, 2009

I seriously hate drama...
Today didn't go well...
I mean, you're just so complicated... You just keep chirping and I just guess I'll never know when you really mean what you say... Like, what's your point?...
It's just the vibe I keep getting... Like you're purposely doing what you do to hurt me. It just confirms the impression I have that you're a coward. You don't dare to come out and tell me what the hell is wrong with you or us, but you use these cheap methods to help you let off some steam. If you think I'm cold, then ask yourself why I can get along just fine with other people who are just as close to me as you... It's just something that you have to figure out yourself. What I feel is that you have a self-pity mentality... Like you whine that others are just so mean and cold towards you and that you don't know what's wrong with them and what's their problem, but you never stop to think that maybe you're the one who just reads too deep into every single action and make a drama out of it. It's not as if I started labellling. you were the one who labelled it. I never felt that way from the start... You were just a friend. what. you don't care about me? Like hell I care about you. and I'm selfish because I didn't do ___?. okaayy... So now a friend is rated on how much she gives materially? she's rated on her reponses to your pointless comments and remarks? she's rated on how much she goes out with you? She's rated on how much she changes because of you? I feel like I'm losing who I am. I feel like I was never like this. I never saw things in this perspective. maybe it's time to stop.

Yesterday, Sam came to my class during recess and we just started talking about life and all the drama and just the latest stuff going on. And in the middle of it all, i started to realise that this is how it used to be. When life was less drama and more carefree. I really miss Sam. We seriously had lots in common and everything was just so comfortable. Now, it's like i feel so tense and jittery half the time. It shouldn't be this way...

jackie blogged at 5:55 AM